Knuckleball

It’s been said that life occasional throws us a curveball. You know, things go sideways, our plans go awry, and we have to adjust and adapt. However, it’s not just curveballs that life tosses at us. On occasion it’s a knuckleball.

For those unfamiliar with the baseball terminology, a curveball is basically a ‘breaking ball’, meaning, instead of it coming straight at you, the pitcher makes the ball curve (up, down, this way or that way) and that, in turn, makes it difficult to hit. But they tend to fly on a consistent trajectory, an arc. A knuckleball is an entirely different beast of a pitch, and it’s rare that you can find a pitcher who can throw one. The way the ball is held on release causes it to wobble wildly on the way to the catcher (who has to wear an oversized mitt in order to have a chance of catching the ball). A knuckleball is almost impossible to hit.

And that’s where I am at the moment. I’m at the plate watching these knuckleballs coming at me and I’m trying my best not to strike out.

Not to get into too much personal detail, but my partner and I are dealing with ailing family members and it’s extremely difficult, especially with the ongoing pandemic. Assisted living is out because those are hotbeds for the virus. Home health care is a possibility, but it’s also ridiculously expensive. And it’s just the two of us trying to maintain two homes, tend to two elderly people, and at the same time work our jobs and keep our relationship intact.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not looking for help or handouts. At the moment we have things under control. Mostly. But I wanted to write this post to let readers know why I haven’t been as active online as I usually am. My blog posts dried up, my social media accounts are sprouting cobwebs, and my creative output has come to a screeching halt. I’ve been prioritizing family, first, and everything else comes after.

The selfish part of me is frustrated because I love to be creative, to write, record my podcast and cooking videos, to interact with all the amazing people in my social media feeds, but at the moment it all seems so far away, so insignificant when it comes to quality of life and doing the right thing. I miss it dearly and I’m trying to make the time to be creative, even for just a few minutes every day, but in the current situation things seem to change hour by hour: The pharmacy called and meds are ready for pickup; this doctor called to reschedule an appointment; another doctor called because they want bloodwork done; we’re running low on food or other needs; and my dogs need to be fed and exercised; my fish need to be fed; yard work; house work; nine-to-five job…

I think another apt analogy would be comparing our situation to those amazing Chinese acrobats that keep plates spinning on top of those long sticks. Can’t take your eyes off them for a moment or else one will drop and shatter. And if one goes down, others will follow.

Anyway, I’m doing my best to keep things going, to swing at those knuckleballs and avoid getting hit by a wild pitch. I’ll be working on getting back into some sort of creative routine and hopefully you’ll hear more from me soon.

Wish me luck!

RB